Inspired by the blog from an Aussie guy whose marriage had ended, I thought it would be worth sharing the tips he felt would have kept the marriage together, to be fair they are good tips to keep in mind, and they can be applied to both partners in the marriage:
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take your partner for granted. When you asked or accepted the proposal for marriage, you promised to be the person that would OWN THEIR HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. THEY CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of their heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your partner. Keep that space always ready to receive them, invite them in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change is constant, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. THEIR DON’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of their heart, they may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win their love just as you did when you were dating.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in them. Focus only on what you love, forget/forgive the rest. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest person on earth to be have them as your life partner.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX THEM”; your job is to love them as they are with no expectation of them ever changing. If they change, love what they become, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your partner’s job to make you happy, and they CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your partner If YOU get frustrated or angry at them, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this person because they were the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them; when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by them, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8) Allow your partner to JUST BE. When they’re sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD THEM and let them know it’s OK. Let them know that you hear them, and that they’re important and that you are that pillar on which they can always lean. The human spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm their emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and non-judging they will trust you and open their soul to you; DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN THEY’RE UPSET. Stand present and strong and let them know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what they are really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY; don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make them laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL THEIR SOUL EVERYDAY; learn their love languages and the specific ways that they feel important, validated and CHERISHED. Ask them to create a list of 10 THINGS that make them feel loved and memorise those things and make it a priority everyday to make them feel like Royalty.
Bonus Tip) BE PRESENT. Give them not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with them you are fully WITH THEM. Treat you partner as you would your most valuable client. They are.
He concludes: :-“These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.” And he asks that it be shared with couples who “may have forgotten how to love.”
